Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
