someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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