Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
