11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
