its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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