this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
