I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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