i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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