the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
