how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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