out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
