just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
