I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize