Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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