i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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