it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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