Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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