Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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