how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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