I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
