he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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