I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
