Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
