Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
