I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
