Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
