This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
