Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
