Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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