At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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