i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The best revenge is premature balding
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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