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when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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