im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
