There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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