I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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