the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
