Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
