I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
