We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
