Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
God, I missed his penis.
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