all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize