I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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