addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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