Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
