Having a random hookup so left but love u
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't turn off my feet"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
