I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
