Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize