end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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