he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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