Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
