The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
