see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
