omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
