this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
