you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
