I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
