My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
