i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
