I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
