Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
