not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize