It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
