I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
