Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
