..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
