so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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