omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
