The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
