Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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