she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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