Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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