There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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