she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
