I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
