u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize