how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A bitchslap is in order.
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