How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
