I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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