Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
