it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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