The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
