If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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