Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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