you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
