Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
